Shame Is Stalling Diversity And Inclusion Success: Here’s Why
Diversity and inclusion efforts should be core to the majority of businesses – from ensuring that scaling happens with different perspectives in mind, creating technologies that are accessible for everyone and providing environments for everyone to succeed, not just those within the majority in your organisation. We know that businesses embracing diversity and fostering inclusion are better for business, so what’s holding back many organisations?
The truth? It is the avoidance of difficult conversations because of the worry that people will feel shame.
Avoidance of real-world scenarios
The world continues to spin and exist around us every day – whether we like it or not, people experience existence different to us because of many reasons, whether it be geographical location, gender, financial situation, socio-economic background, race or ethnicity, disability and so on. It is facetious to think that everyone experiences day-to-day living the same way as us – and frankly, it is incredibly self-involved.
However, in the workplace, many businesses try to take a frictionless approach to diversity and inclusion strategies.
How silly.
In what world, can you have a conversation on inclusion (and therefore exclusion) without having friction and emotion along the way? Conversations, using real-world statistics on exclusion must be discussed to aid bursting of echo-chambers and aid the movement from awareness of a problem, to education on why it is the way it is and who purposefully made those decisions to finally, proactive, rectifying action.
These conversations will not and should not be frictionless, nor should they prioritise warm and fuzzy feelings. Diversity and inclusion work is not sunshine and rainbows, singing around a fire, where everyone holds hands and gets along. It’s about embedding equity through active intervention on exclusion, enabling an inclusive environment where marginalised people now have an ability to thrive too.
Where does shame come into the conversation?
Shame, by dictionary definition is, “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety”. It’s a reactive emotion utilised as a defence mechanism. And yes, it rears its ugly head all too often in conversations surrounding equity. However, the real problem here is when facilitators or diversity and inclusion leaders prioritise minimising this experience of shame to prioritise these people having a “nicer” and smoother experience.
Let me give you an example.
You are rolling out diversity and inclusion workshops focusing on bias, and privilege to leadership. Your leadership is predominately white, heterosexual, non-disabled, financially stable men or a combination of these attributes.
Given exclusion has primarily affected those who are non-white, from underrepresented genders, from LGBT+ communities, disabled, and from poorer communities, it’s key that part of these conversations must focus in on the state of the world for those marginalised communities.
However, a by-product of this conversation may mean that those from the majority demographics feel guilt or shame because:
- they haven’t experienced these issues directly,
- they’ve not done anything to better the situations for others, and/or
- they’ve benefited from the systems which directly disadvantage others, and this awareness causes uncomfortable feelings.
Now, the right thing to do is to continue with these conversations because awareness (regardless of whether it causes shame or not) must lead to education on the “why”, and finally to action. Unfortunately, because shame can mean a minority shut-down and are no longer open to change, many diversity and inclusion leaders will pull the conversation altogether, focusing on a “softer” approach instead.
This doesn’t work.
Why?
Whilst it would be great to think all leaders will spend time understanding how other not like them exist in the world, it’s unlikely that the majority will. Do they understand how unemployment rates are particularly higher for people of colour in the U.K.? Do they know that only 1 in 10 U.S. companies offer paid family leave for LGBT+ employees? Have they understood their impact on the fact that more than half of women in tech leave the industry by the mid-point of their career, which is more than double the rate of men?
Echo-chambers must be disrupted
Prioritising defensiveness means we prioritise the majority’s feelings over challenging the systems and processes which directly exclude or disadvantage marginalised people, over and over again.
Too often, diversity and inclusion work is reduced to pithy statements, flag-ship events to celebrate and avoids the difficult changes – such as active interventions to exclusionary behaviour or holding leaders to account through meaningful goals (with repercussions when these are not met).
My call to action to you is to ensure you do not take the easy way out here, because frankly, you might as well not bother. If you take the approach which prioritises those feeling shame or defensiveness, you’ll ultimately discuss things that they’re only comfortable with, likely because they personally or indirectly identify with those specific scenarios.
This is what I call “exclusionary inclusion”, where we do just enough to reach some underrepresented folks, but only the ones we feel an attachment with.
Using the example above, that would mean that same group of predominately white, heterosexual, non-disabled, financially stable men would only seek to embrace predominately white, heterosexual, non-disabled, financially stable women. So… what about everyone else? Let’s not forget women are not a monolith.
Be specific and deliberate
If you’re lucky enough to be in a position to instrument and facilitate change, please do not take this privilege lightly. I ask you to ensure you have difficult conversations, with actionable mechanisms embedded in place to enable interventions as needed.
If you’re not willing to do this, I’d ask you to step aside for someone who will.
Article link – https://www.forbes.com/sites/shereeatcheson/2022/10/25/shame-is-stalling-diversity–inclusion-success–heres-why/?sh=5252e3f72e8d